Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Never Ever...

When Mr. BUB and I were dating, people always asked...

"When are y'all getting married?!"

After the wedding, the new question was...

"When are you having a baby?!"

Now that I'm pregnant, the questions have gotten out of hand.
So, for my sanity, and your safety, I've made the following guidelines...

Things You Should Never Ever Say to a Pregnant Woman, Unless You're Feeling Super Brave.
Yeah, yeah, the title is a little long.  Say something about it.  I dare you.
  • How much weight have you gained?  Would you ask me this if I weren't pregnant?  No, because that would be rude.  So why would you try now, when I have all these hormones running through my body and a stapler in my hand?
  • Can I touch your belly?  Can I touch yours?  Seriously?  It's not public property.  Although, I do want to say that I don't have a problem with friends and family touching my belly.  This applies mainly to strangers.
  • My goodness- you're really swollen!  My goodness- your right eye is about to be really swollen.
  • When my cousin's brother's wife was pregnant (insert TMI story here)...  Do you really think hearing your horror story helps my blood pressure?  Why don't we take it now and you'll know for sure?
  • Are you sure you're xx weeks?  You're awfully large!  (Submitted by Sarah)  You know what?  You're right.  Maybe you should be my doctor, instead of the highly qualified person who's delivered hundreds of babies.
     Do you have something to add to the list?
    Comment below.  It may make a future post!

32 comments:

Lauren {Adventures in Flip Flops} said...

Goodness, what are people thinking? On the bright side, at least random people *ask* before they touch your belly instead of helping themselves. I've heard of people just feeling up pregnant ladies and let me just say that if I'm ever pregnant I would be SO intolerant of that!

Another question not to ask: Were you trying? Or was it an accident? Did you have to use fertility treatments?

jennie said...

Bahaha!! Strangers touch your belly? That's...um...creepy. And, of course, I love #3 :)

Susanne said...

people should definitely think before they talk. not only when talking to preggos

Emily said...

I was amazed when we got married. Literally people would congratulate us and ask about babies in the same sentence. Like, can we please be married for 5 minutes?

So yeah, I'm not looking forward to the action you're describing. I'm a very positive thinker...so I don't appreciate people sharing their unsolicited advice and horror stories! Hahaha.

GOOD.LUCK.

Jules said...

people are SO rude! You should totally ask them next time 'can I touch your belly?' I'd pay to see that.

Nichole said...

Hahaha, now that we've been married (almost) a year, that's all anyone asks is when we'll get knocked up. This past weekend we went to a wedding and b/c I didn't immediately order a drink, three diff people asked if I had "news" to share. Either people think I'm an extreme alchy or I don't even know what! I'd want to punch people too when we get preggars if I had some of these Q'S

Amanda said...

I feel like people just don't understand the whole "you're crossing the line of my personal space bubble by touching me." On a lighter note, I think you look fantastic, and I only hope I have as good of a sense of humor as you when the time comes for me to get preggo... :) Happy Tuesday!

Suze said...

So true! I never understood why getting married means that your relationship and personal life plans need to be public knowledge. I have friends who are having a hard time getting pregnant, and that's something they deal with all the time: when are you having a baby- it's been a while?! Sad.

Anyway, I agree with ALL of those and unfortunately have heard them all as well. :) PLUS everybody's birth story. I vow never to tell pregnant women my horror stories!

Here are a couple more:

Were you guys trying to get pregnant?

and the one I hate most:

When I share an opinion or plan after being asked, they say, oh just wait- you'll change your mind!

Argh! :) Life of an engaged/newlywed/pregnant lady.

Myra said...

I think you really should provide people with a swollen right eye if these questions continue. Blame it on insanity (and pregnancy) if anyone comes looking for you!

Amber said...

Ahahaha, hilarious! Yes, I agree these are all rude, and wouldn't be asked if you weren't pregnant. People just don't think sometimes!

J and A said...

Oh my goodness you crack me up! But some people really!!! Geesh!

Christy said...

Don't forget the "You MUST be having girl, cause when you have a girl they suck all the beauty out of you." AKA you look like dog crap! Or, "Your going to have her any second now cause you look so tired & drained." Really? Cause today I was feeling pretty freaking peppy you jerk. Agreed 100%. And you're absolutely right, people who would never say a word before pregnancy all of the sudden flock to you to ask the ridiculous questions. Drop kick them & blame it on baby ninja! : )

Katie said...

WHY are people always ready for you to be doing the "next" thing in life?! It's so true. I wonder how long it will take before people will ask when we'll have #2?

And what is it about a pregnant lady that makes people think they can just ask her anything?! I don't get it. I answer the following questions about 10x daily at the office:
Oh are you pregnant?? (no shit)
Is it a boy or girl?
When is she due?
Is this your first one?

I'm going to wear a sign for the next 4 weeks, I think.

Katie said...

Oh I almost forgot my favorite. When people comment on a pregnant women being "fat" or saying things like "I don't want to get pregnant because I don't want to get fat!" PREGNANT DOES NOT EQUAL FAT, A-HOLE!

Here's a funny post written by my friend's husband: http://chroniclesofclara.blogspot.com/search/label/pregnancy

undomestic chica said...

Strangers touched my belly all the time! Maybe because I was bigger than a singleton pregnancy they thought it was ok? I complained about it one day & my friend told me that when a stranger grabbed her sister's belly her sister grabbed the woman's boob! I hope I have the balls to do that next time.
People always ask me if I knew I was going to have twins. "Why yes, I knew I was going to drop two eggs."

Megan Barley said...

i don't necessarily have anything to add because we arent pregnant. but gosh, people can say stupid things sometimes, right?? sorry for all of the insensitive comments!

Kendall said...

Amen!! If I get told one more time how huge I am I going to have a big crazy pregnant meltdown!!!

Shelley said...

When I was pregnant and walking out of my doctors office, someone there (a patient) stopped me to ask what I am having. This was not uncommon to be asked this by strangers but when I told him I was having a girl, he looked at me quizzically and asked if I was sure. I said "yes, positive" and he still didn't believe me and said that he thinks it's a boy because my belly is "pointy". My jaw dropped and I said "bellies come in all shapes and sizes" or something and stomped off. Can you believe the nerve?! Urgh.

Rach said...

I had the same problems as you...high blood pressure and extreme swelling (so much so I couldn't fit my calves into maternity jeans at the end). I just LOVED when the swollen comments would come out and they would just stare in depth at my legs, belly..entire body. Seriously, I wasn't an hippo on display at the zoo. People are rude and apparently dont' understand how to communicate with a person who has another person in them. People are stupid.

Katie said...

What is it about being pregnant that gives people the idea that they can drop all social standards and do/say whatever they want to you! Those questions are SO rude, and you're right- most people would never say that garbage to any other person, but it's okay to ask because you're pregnant??? DON'T THINK SO! I have a strict don't ask/don't tell rule when it comes to the pregnant ladies. Even if you are obviously pregnant, there is no way in hell I'm asking you when you're due.
Also- my in laws not only ASK us constantly when we're going to have kids, they TELL us. "Oh well you'll have a bunch of kids by then, so..." "Oh you know you HAVE to have at least 3 - and all girls right?"
Um, no. We want no kids, and noo more of your harassment. Thanks.
I don't get people.

Katie said...

I agree-- when did it become socially acceptable to pry into the lives of strangers? Before we got engaged, I got asked ALL THE TIME when we were going to get married. My married friends complain about people asking when they're going to have a baby. What business is it of anyone else's when these things are or aren't going to happen??

Oh, and the first stranger who would dare touch my pregnant belly will be very sorry. Being pregnant does not make you a community petting zoo!

poptartyogini said...

Wow!! That is quite the education. I cannot believe people say/do those things. I'm sure you have a clever answer for everyone now.

Sara said...

"Are you sure you're not having twins?"

"I hope you're ready for your life to be over."

"Was it an accident?" followed by, "How old are you?"

"You're huge...how are you possibly going to make it 2 more months?"

"You're having a boy? Oh, that's too bad."

SERIOUSLY??

Heather at 123 said...

It gets worse after you deliver.

You still get "My you are swollen." My comment was "Yes they pumped 4 bags of saline into my body while my stomach was cut wide open. I'm sure that takes a while to go away."

"When will you have another?" For the first time in my life I'm responsible for another human being which I'm feeding, burping, and changing every 3-4 hours. Another child is no where close to being born.

"Are you super emotional?" Are you stupid? Yes, for the last 9 months my body became adjusted to the large surge of hormones that has all of a sudden stopped.

"Are you breastfeeding, pumping, or formula?" Does it matter if he is gaining weight?

"Is he gassy?"

"Are you burping him after he eats?"

"Are you sleeping?"

and it goes on... Get your comebacks ready. I've almost hit some people and used the comment "Oh, wow that was a big mosquito."

Heather said...

Oh Dear God, I get the "When are ya'll getting married question," all the freakin time!!! I need to start thinking of a humourous response to give. It's none of their business when I get married!!

As for the pregnancy comments, do people have no tact anymore?!?!

Miranda said...

the worst? "how are you feeling?" only because every single person asked me that, at least twice a day....and i hated the random people touching my belly! i had a (not so close) family friend rubbing my belly at 9 weeks (when i didn't even have one!) i also didn't like the weird comments....some women said "wow, you're going to have a baby!" um yep...that's why my belly looks like a basketball genius.

Megan said...

Hahahaha, ahhhhh! This made me laugh! I can't believe that people ask pregnant women about weight. That's insane. I'm like the opposite...terrified to ask someone if they are pregnant in case they aren't!! Now that's awkward!!

Rebekah said...

It seems like seeing a pregnant woman makes people's brains fall out! What is with some of these crazies??

tara said...

Lol. People are crazy. I already want to punch people just for asking when we are going to have kids!

Meg O. said...

I already tweeted mine but I find it ridiculous that being pregnant means people can ask you these dumb questions!!!!!

Wiz said...

Oh man...there is just something about being pregnant that people think they can say anything to me. I have heard it all:

You look like you are going to pop (at 30 weeks.)
You sure you aren't having twins?
And my favorite:
You face is getting that mama fullness to it (I almost lost it on that one! Say what you want about my belly, there is a baby in there, but dont go for the face!)

Domesticated-Bliss said...

I am going to be such a bi-ya when I am pregnant. I think I'll just wear a button that says "No! To whatever question you're about to ask me." LOL

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